reflections of a giant idiot

Do you have any regrets? Occassionally, events conspire to force me into a time-machine visit to my former self. I'll find a memory or a photo or a letter that is a snapshot of 15-year-old john or 18-year-old john or 25-year-old john. Upon reflection, I find that I can truly be a giant idiot.

My oldest daughter found one particularly painful one today. It was an unflattering, driver-license-esque shot of 16-year-old john in the form of a letter to a former pastor.

I used to go to Lackland Baptist Church here in San Antonio. I grew up there. Our pastor was Brother Todd - a really great old cat who worked like a dog and spent virtually his entire career at the church. When he retired, the church was left to find a new shepherd. The man who finally got the nod was named James Carey. I never really knew him very much, but I didn't like him. He was so much different from our old pastor. He was more political. He seemed to ruffle people's feathers. He was changing the way things had been for years. A couple of years into his pastorship, there was an exodus from the church. Many good people hit the road.

At the time, I layed the blame for this exodus squarely on Brother Carey. Apparently I wrote some kind of derogatory letter calling him names that made its way back to him and his family. (I only remember this because of the content of the letter. Before Amanda found it, I hadn't thought about it for 20 years).

So my daughter brings me a letter I wrote to him. I don't know if I sent this version or a cleaned up one. The one I had was very confrontational. In it, I accused him of running all the good people off. Even as I apologized for calling him a name, I turned it around - saying he was a hypocrite. It challenged him to set up a meeting with me - if he had the guts (basically).

As I read it, two words came to mind: giant idiot. What a huge, lumbering hunk of idiot I was! The pride,condescension and immaturity were staggering! Mindblowing! Sad. I wanted to crawl under a rock.

So I sit here this morning reflecting on the massiveness my idiocy can sometimes acheive. I wonder if 20 years from now, if my grandkids print out some of these blogposts and bring them to me - will the snapshot be any better? I guess I'll go now. This 36-year old probably needs to find out how to send a new letter to Brother Carey asking if he can ever forgive the words and actions of a giant 16-year-old idiot.

on the record - and off

I love a good conversation with someone who disagrees with me. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad, but I’m wired that way. It’s not that I want to “win” – conversations are not won or lost like a boxing match or a chess game. Instead, good conversation is a whetstone sharpening our ideas. It makes us think in 3D – spinning an idea and viewing it from different angles.

For quality conversation to happen, participants must have equal parts “conviction” and “open-mindedness”. If one of these ingredients is out of proportion, a conversation can degenerate into either an argument or a smarmy, butt-kissing love-fest.

One of the places I find myself trying to engage in such conversation is Slice of Laodicea. Unfortunately, many of the participants there don’t share my love of open, friendly conversation. As I write this article, I am currently banned from commenting there. I have no idea why – I’ve followed all the policies posted and have not posted anything hateful or objectionable. What’s ironic is that I agree with many of their thoughts on church and culture.

So, let me introduce you to a new feature of this site. It’s called CoComment and its purpose is to keep track of the posts I leave at others sites - even if they decide not to publish them. On the sidebar to the right, you’ll find my last three posts. At this time, there are a few quotes that didn’t make it up at Slice.

You can see a full list of my posts by going here.

Hopefully, people who find their way to my site from Slice will read some of the comments that have been ignored or rejected and understand my frustration.

The power of words

For a long time, my wife has been trying to convince me that words have great power to hurt. I generally shake my head and act like I understand, but I don't think it really hit me until today.

I was reading a story about the pope's visit to Auschwitz. To be honest, I know little to nothing about the camps. Any memories of what I learned was in 8th grade and has long since been overrun by scenes from Monty Python and quotes from "Kung Pow" - "She hit me, Betty!"

Anyway, as I read about Benedict's visit to the camp, I was struck by a few powerful groups of words emminating like a ghost radio transmission from another age.

The sign above the entrance to the prison camp reads "Arbeit Macht Frei" which means "Work Sets You Free." Isn't it the epitome of human cruelty to administer death and repression - all the while touting that treatment as righteous and even "good for you"?

The pope also mentioned two phrases often used in nazi propoganda: “lebensunwertes Leben” (life unworthy of living) for gypsies and “Abschaum der Nation” (scum of the nation) for anti-Nazi Germans.

Sadly, when I read those phrases, I'm reminded of certain "christian" groups that view others in much the same way. Groups like "godhatesfags" and others attempt to incite hatred towards certain groups - all the while claiming bibilical authority to do so.

So upon reflection, I agree with my wife on the power of words. May we learn to use them to build up and not tear down.

taylor hicks watch out!

Bad singing transcends language and cultural divides...or something:

what amazing faith benny hinn must have

You'll need to read this

When you have to ask that hard for money, shouldn't that make you think? If you're truly doing God's work, won't He provide the resources you need?

This is really discouraging to me. I think about the woman at the end of the article who was put back into the wheelchair - her sickness still with her. "Sorry, hon - you didn't have enough faith to get healed. Maybe next time." I think about people being "healed" from vague illnesses that have no external symptoms. (Personally, I think LensCrafters should send a hit team after Hinn if he's going to go around healing everyone of the need to wear glasses!)

What do we as believers do about it? It feels wrong to not do anything. Shouldn't we form a lynch mob and put an end to his false teaching? Why does God allow this guy to continue? I've heard some say that God allows false teachers to continue since they are (at the end of the day) spreading the gospel, but that doesn't compute for me. Why does God allow this man to prosper?

notes from kids

Leave it to children to cut right to the heart of the issue.

In right-wing, "ameri-christian" circles, the link between being American and being Christian has been blurred greatly. How easy it is to think of God in our own image!

We often see other attempts at this as silly. For example, we see the Jamaican Jesus and think to ourselves "That's silly! Jesus was Jewish - not Jamaican! He didn't have dreads!" But as is often the case, we're blind to the reality of our own situation.

How many of us thinking of God as:
- American
- Male
- Wanting us to acheive the "American Dream"

The note from a school child asks a poignent question for our times. Is God "American"? Does he favor our nation above others? Is God NOT Iraqi or Iranian?

arabic version of teletubbies?

This might be another candidate for worst music video ever - if it wasn't so darn catchy!

late mother's day gift

Only Mr T can make "moan" and "born" seem to rhyme...

awww...isn't that romantic?

"Come on folk! Is she hot or cold?" Ummmmmmm - Chuch - I'm gonna have to say cold!

our offline community gets online

Everyone is invited to visit the new blogsite for our home church or simple church or whatever it is. We created the site to discuss what it really means to "be the church" and to extend our community online. So if you're looking for marketing or cool shots of the praise band, you're outta luck...

Visit the blogsite here

two big scoops of understanding

After seeing their Mother's Day photo, I had to check out these cats a little more. All I can say is "YOU WANNA SHUT UP!!??"

not another da vinci code post!

At the risk of being more than redundant, I thought I'd post this interview with Brian McLaren on the DaVinci Code at the risk of being redundant ;) It came from here, but you need to register to view it - so I just posted it below.

I think it cuts right to the heart of why this story captures the imaginations of so many people and give believers some things to think and pray about.

Brian McLaren on The Da Vinci Code
An interview by Lisa Ann Cockrel

With The Da Vinci Code poised to go from bestseller list to the big screen on May 19, pastor and writer (and Sojourners board member) Brian McLaren talks about why he thinks there's truth in the controversial book's fiction.

What do you think the popularity of The Da Vinci Code reveals about pop culture attitudes toward Christianity and the church?

Brian McLaren: I think a lot of people have read the book, not just as a popular page-turner but also as an experience in shared frustration with status-quo, male-dominated, power-oriented, cover-up-prone organized Christian religion. We need to ask ourselves why the vision of Jesus hinted at in Dan Brown's book is more interesting, attractive, and intriguing to these people than the standard vision of Jesus they hear about in church. Why would so many people be disappointed to find that Brown's version of Jesus has been largely discredited as fanciful and inaccurate, leaving only the church's conventional version? Is it possible that, even though Brown's fictional version misleads in many ways, it at least serves to open up the possibility that the church's conventional version of Jesus may not do him justice?

So you think The Da Vinci Code taps into dissatisfaction with Jesus as we know him?

McLaren: For all the flaws of Brown's book, I think what he's doing is suggesting that the dominant religious institutions have created their own caricature of Jesus. And I think people have a sense that that's true. It's my honest feeling that anyone trying to share their faith in America today has to realize that the Religious Right has polluted the air. The name "Jesus" and the word "Christianity" are associated with something judgmental, hostile, hypocritical, angry, negative, defensive, anti-homosexual, etc. Many of our churches, even though they feel they represent the truth, actually are upholding something that's distorted and false.

I also think that the whole issue of male domination is huge and that Brown's suggestion that the real Jesus was not as misogynist or anti-woman as the Christian religion often has been is very attractive. Brown's book is about exposing hypocrisy and cover-up in organized religion, and it is exposing organized religion's grasping for power. Again, there's something in that that people resonate with in the age of pedophilia scandals, televangelists, and religious political alliances. As a follower of Jesus I resonate with their concerns as well.

Do you think the book contains any significantly detrimental distortions of the Christian faith?

McLaren: The book is fiction and it's filled with a lot of fiction about a lot of things that a lot of people have already debunked. But frankly, I don't think it has more harmful ideas in it than the Left Behind novels. And in a certain way, what the Left Behind novels do, the way they twist scripture toward a certain theological and political end, I think Brown is twisting scripture, just to other political ends. But at the end of the day, the difference is I don't think Brown really cares that much about theology. He just wanted to write a page-turner and he was very successful at that.

Many Christians are also reading this book and it's rocking their preconceived notions - or lack of preconceived notions - about Christ's life and the early years of the church. So many people don't know how we got the canon, for example. Should this book be a clarion call to the church to say, "Hey, we need to have a body of believers who are much more literate in church history." Is that something the church needs to be thinking about more strategically?

McLaren: Yes! You're exactly right. One of the problems is that the average Christian in the average church who listens to the average Christian broadcasting has such an oversimplified understanding of both the Bible and of church history - it would be deeply disturbing for them to really learn about church history. I think the disturbing would do them good. But a lot of times education is disturbing for people. And so if The Da Vinci Code causes people to ask questions and Christians have to dig deeper, that's a great thing, a great opportunity for growth. And it does show a weakness in the church giving either no understanding of church history or a very stilted, one-sided, sugarcoated version.

On the other hand, it's important for me to say I don't think anyone can learn good church history from Brown. There's been a lot of debunking of what he calls facts. But again, the guy's writing fiction so nobody should be surprised about that. The sad thing is there's an awful lot of us who claim to be telling objective truth and we actually have our own propaganda and our own versions of history as well.

Let me mention one other thing about Brown's book that I think is appealing to people. The church goes through a pendulum swing at times from overemphasizing the deity of Christ to overemphasizing the humanity of Christ. So a book like Brown's that overemphasizes the humanity of Christ can be a mirror to us saying that we might be underemphasizing the humanity of Christ.
In light of The Da Vinci Code movie that is soon to be released, how do you hope churches will engage this story?

McLaren: I would like to see churches teach their people how to have intelligent dialogue that doesn't degenerate into argument. We have to teach people that the Holy Spirit works in the middle of conversation. We see it time and time again - Jesus enters into dialogue with people; Paul and Peter and the apostles enter into dialogue with people. We tend to think that the Holy Spirit can only work in the middle of a monologue where we are doing the speaking.

So if our churches can encourage people to, if you see someone reading the book or you know someone who's gone to the movie, say, "What do you think about Jesus and what do you think about this or that," and to ask questions instead of getting into arguments, that would be wonderful. The more we can keep conversations open and going the more chances we give the Holy Spirit to work. But too often people want to get into an argument right away. And, you know, Jesus has handled 2,000 years of questions, skepticism, and attacks, and he's gonna come through just fine. So we don't have to be worried.

Ultimately, The Da Vinci Code is telling us important things about the image of Jesus that is being portrayed by the dominant Christian voices. [Readers] don't find that satisfactory, genuine, or authentic, so they're looking for something that seems more real and authentic.

Lisa Ann Cockrel is associate editor at Today's Christian Woman.

happy mothers day!

Posted without comment...

sixteen candles (or "have i gotten old yet?")

Well, today is my oldest child's birthday. Today, Amanda is 16 years old. I'm not quite sure how it happened, but Mandy has grown into a beautiful, responsible young woman. She's inherited my love of basketball and her mom's love of organization. She got Angie's good looks and my propensity to force the cross-court pass out of the post a bit too quickly.

It's a little eerie to be the father to a REAL teenager. I don't think teens really qualify for that label until they can drive - that's when the rubber REALLY hits the road.

So accordingly - I'll dedicate a bit of this post to prayer if you don't mind:

Lord, thank you for Mandy. She's a gift to Angie and I. Help her learn to hear from You and sense Your presence. I pray that she would live her life unto you - with no regrets. I pray that she'd remain pure and unspotted by the world. May she be an instrument of Your peace and remember those who hurt and are in need. Direct her as she moves from a young lady to a woman of God. May she find wisdom and patience. May she do everything for Your glory and not her own. Give Angie and I wisdom on how to help her mature. Forgive me when I fall short in word, deed or example. May love make up for my imperfections in those areas. May she accomplish all you might have for her. Help her not just to read stories of people who made a difference - help her to write her own book.

And all the people said...

"John's old!"

Oops, I mean...

"AMEN!"